Relapse. Blew a .23 last Sunday.
- Thread starter in a daze
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You guys are the best! 
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
We need a to H with that, not cool and an OMG emoji!!
Lost in sadness
Active Member
I am so sorry. Hugs and prayers for you xx
Hi guys, the saga continues. He blew up my phone with bizarre messages about his favorite band. At one point addressing one of his friends, When he was actually messaging me. Missed work. Sent my brother to check on him. He was frazzled, room a mess, and has a drunk room mate who bothers him and has induced him to drink. He's afraid to leave his room because he doesn't want to engage with this guy.
Husband wanted to run up there this morning and take him to the hospital third time in two weeks. I would have had to take off work. Again. To go through the whole rigmarole all over again...would be the second time to n two weeks...ER, involuntary hold, admission, refusal of treatment. Why bother? I went to work. We had warned my son that the prescence of the guy was not conducive to his safety and sobriety, we offered him the choice of a better run sober living. He adamantly refused, and left the hospital Tuesday AM, the soonest he could.
My brother was like, "you have to get him out of there! What a hell hole! Move him back by you." Much better social services in his neighborhood. His old friends, I believe, would be a trigger for him to drink.
What to do, what to do. We will see if he makes it to work tomorrow. That is, if he still has a job ....
I am stressed out but trying to take care of myself. Can't sleep. Can't eat. Have MD appointment Wednesday. I may need some pharmaceutical support.
Husband wanted to run up there this morning and take him to the hospital third time in two weeks. I would have had to take off work. Again. To go through the whole rigmarole all over again...would be the second time to n two weeks...ER, involuntary hold, admission, refusal of treatment. Why bother? I went to work. We had warned my son that the prescence of the guy was not conducive to his safety and sobriety, we offered him the choice of a better run sober living. He adamantly refused, and left the hospital Tuesday AM, the soonest he could.
My brother was like, "you have to get him out of there! What a hell hole! Move him back by you." Much better social services in his neighborhood. His old friends, I believe, would be a trigger for him to drink.
What to do, what to do. We will see if he makes it to work tomorrow. That is, if he still has a job ....
I am stressed out but trying to take care of myself. Can't sleep. Can't eat. Have MD appointment Wednesday. I may need some pharmaceutical support.
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
Hi Daze,
I’ve been wondering how things were going with you.
Sorry to hear that things aren’t going any better with your son. There is nothing you can do. It’s sad but true.
He is living in the same place he has been at for a while, isn’t he? It’s probably much worse now than it was when he was sober and taking care of the place, cleaning, etc.
Of course, your brother is always welcome to take your son in, himself, if he is so concerned....
Apple
I’ve been wondering how things were going with you.
Sorry to hear that things aren’t going any better with your son. There is nothing you can do. It’s sad but true.
He is living in the same place he has been at for a while, isn’t he? It’s probably much worse now than it was when he was sober and taking care of the place, cleaning, etc.
Of course, your brother is always welcome to take your son in, himself, if he is so concerned....
Apple
Albatross
Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry, Daze. You've heard it all before about taking care of yourself right now. Please put yourself on the "to-do" list today. Take a nap. Get some ice cream. Then take another nap. 
Easy for me to say, harder for me to do when I've been in your situation...but you offered him the choice of another sober living facility and he turned you down. You've tried with involuntary holds, hoping he will clear his head enough to get back on the wagon. It sounds like he just isn't ready. He's where he wants to be, which is in the middle of a full-blown relapse. I just wonder if rescuing him again won't just prevent or at least delay his realization that life sucks when we're too drunk to function...
Easy for me to say, harder for me to do when I've been in your situation...but you offered him the choice of another sober living facility and he turned you down. You've tried with involuntary holds, hoping he will clear his head enough to get back on the wagon. It sounds like he just isn't ready. He's where he wants to be, which is in the middle of a full-blown relapse. I just wonder if rescuing him again won't just prevent or at least delay his realization that life sucks when we're too drunk to function...
Hi Apple. He was in sober living for over three years then moved to independent living last March ( rents a furnished room in an apartment with three random guys). It's a small room, and he cleans it up but before he knows it, it's a mess again. Especially when he's drinking, of course. Doesn't help that he has severe ADHD which he can't take medications for.
I almost regret getting my brother involved. He made it sound like an emergency, that I must get him out of there TODAY. It's funny you mentioned that maybe brother could take his nephew in if he was so worried....I did ask bro if he could stay with him ( temporarily, of course) and his answer was an emphatic "no".
I almost regret getting my brother involved. He made it sound like an emergency, that I must get him out of there TODAY. It's funny you mentioned that maybe brother could take his nephew in if he was so worried....I did ask bro if he could stay with him ( temporarily, of course) and his answer was an emphatic "no".
Alba, the trips across town to take him to the ER are really getting weary some. When husband talked to him yesterday he claimed he lost his medications and had a panic attack . Texts were garbled and he was sending me music videos in the morning, which is is usual pattern when he's drunk. So he was drunk, or psychotic, or both. Sounded more rational later in the afternoon, although frazzled. Claims he wasn't getting his antidepressant in the hospital even though I had dropped it off ( hospital pharmacy did not stock it) says this caused his symptoms (I am very sceptical).
You're right, he's not ready, and he may just have to crash and burn.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Sorry to hear you're back on the treadmill. Well you have one foot on. It sounds like you are doing pretty good on your co-dependency.
I talked to my therapist about that. When my son isn't good I'm not good. I hate that my feelings are tied into another person's actions. I think that is how it is when we love someone and it's hard to change that pattern. I think as mothers we take on so much that we just aren't able to "fix".
Your son seems like he needs the structure that he had before. Some people just do and naturally we want them to move forward but not all are able to successfully.
I will continue to pray for your strength. That's all I do when there is nothing I can do.
I talked to my therapist about that. When my son isn't good I'm not good. I hate that my feelings are tied into another person's actions. I think that is how it is when we love someone and it's hard to change that pattern. I think as mothers we take on so much that we just aren't able to "fix".
Your son seems like he needs the structure that he had before. Some people just do and naturally we want them to move forward but not all are able to successfully.
I will continue to pray for your strength. That's all I do when there is nothing I can do.
Sorry to hear you're back on the treadmill. Well you have one foot on. It sounds like you are doing pretty good on your co-dependency.
I talked to my therapist about that. When my son isn't good I'm not good. I hate that my feelings are tied into another person's actions. I think that is how it is when we love someone and it's hard to change that pattern. I think as mothers we take on so much that we just aren't able to "fix".
Your son seems like he needs the structure that he had before. Some people just do and naturally we want them to move forward but not all are able to successfully.
I will continue to pray for your strength. That's all I do when there is nothing I can do.
Thanks RN...like you, my day depends on how he's doing, although it seems that my anxiety has taken on a life of its own and I am headed to the doctor in two days to get some pharmaceutical support. After 15 years of ups and downs with him , I have finally hit a wall. I have one episode of depression in the past and I can feel it coming on again. Not sleeping well and I have lost four pounds as I don't have much of an appetite. I have to force myself to do things, although when I get together with people or work I do feel better. Therapy appointment in two days. I am trying to take care of myself.
,
So he went to work on the weekend, and I offered to come up and take him out to lunch, but he said no, he was fine, was going to buy food and get a haircut. Evil alcoholic roommate not around last two days. Landlord sent memo stating anyone caught with alcohol will be evicted (landlord consulted with his attorney) Maybe this will be a deterrent for difficult child as well. Maybe.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Well maybe he'll snap out of it on his own? That would be the best thing of all really.
In the end it's up to them to straighten out one way or the other anyway. Sometimes I have to wonder if all the stuff we do even matters in the end.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Never forget my daughter cut the drugs without rehab. When they want to do it, that is when they do. I heard several times that most quit on their own. Never give up hope.
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Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Daze
Please take care of yourself. I know all tocwell the stress, depression and anxiety this can cause us.
I hope things turn around for your son.
Please take care of yourself. I know all tocwell the stress, depression and anxiety this can cause us.
I hope things turn around for your son.
I'm here too IAD.....this is hard, I'm glad you're getting the help you need.
Hang in there.....we're here with you......you're not alone.....
Sending big hugs for your hurting mom's heart......
Hang in there.....we're here with you......you're not alone.....
Sending big hugs for your hurting mom's heart......
Hi everyone. No drunk drama from D.C. for past three weeks. I am not optimistic that this will continue. But that's ok. Because I am starting to be done with all this.
He's not working a program. He's not going to therapy. He talked about signing up for a support group at Second City for social anxiety ( he had done Improv for social anxiety a few years ago.) the deadline for signing up has probably come and gone. I'm not reminding him. Because I'm kind of done.
I say kind of, because he does do some things. He takes his medicine. And he doesn't ask us for money. And he deals with a crisis ( lost wallet, CVS won't refill his medications, work problems, etc.) and we hear about it later, instead of him calling us expecting us to solve the problem, which he used to do. And he does manage to hang on to his part time job ( workplace hires disabled people, though he was not hired as disabled, but they must know he has issues)
So that's good. But it's been 15 years of psychiatrists, therapists, rehabs, hospitalizations, intensive outpatient programs. Not to mention parental support. Not to mention Special Education and tutors in grammar and high school. Oh , and a college education. Managed to earn a bachelors degree. (Although turned down disability services in college. We did hire a math tutor for alegebra and stats, but the rest he managed to get through himself. He's very intellectual and an excellent researcher and writer. Although it took him 7 years. But at least we don't have to listen to "if I only had my college degree...)
Because you have your friggin college degree and you're not even working full time ( listen, we wouldn't have sent him, further than an AA degree, but he would get A's and compliments from professors on his papers, so we thought he had potential)
I have come to the realization that this is the best that it's going to be. We were hoping for a self supporting adult, but it is not to be. He has major depression, a non verbal learning disability, addiction problems, social anxiety, and severe adhd that can't be medicated because of his addiction problems ( and it never helped him very much anyway)
I will not convey this to D.C., in case some miracle happens and he has some epiphany and starts going to therapy and working full time and gets a life etc. I will continue to be neutral, subtle, and supportive.
I have a really nice husband. He's a great guy. He's secretly devastated about son. He wants to have a better relationship with him. Son is guarded with him because husband refused to enable him when he was living here.
We have a lovely daughter. She has a good job and has nice friends and a really nice boyfriend. She is the smartest 29 year old I know, especially when I talk to her about her brother. I feel better after I talk to her.
I was about to go on antidepressants last week. Three weeks ago, I went to my doctor and got a prescription for xanax. This week, I'm much better. I don't know why.
Maybe it's because I have a lot to be grateful for, despite D.C.
And I have all you guys to lean on, and listen to me vent. Thank you all.
He's not working a program. He's not going to therapy. He talked about signing up for a support group at Second City for social anxiety ( he had done Improv for social anxiety a few years ago.) the deadline for signing up has probably come and gone. I'm not reminding him. Because I'm kind of done.
I say kind of, because he does do some things. He takes his medicine. And he doesn't ask us for money. And he deals with a crisis ( lost wallet, CVS won't refill his medications, work problems, etc.) and we hear about it later, instead of him calling us expecting us to solve the problem, which he used to do. And he does manage to hang on to his part time job ( workplace hires disabled people, though he was not hired as disabled, but they must know he has issues)
So that's good. But it's been 15 years of psychiatrists, therapists, rehabs, hospitalizations, intensive outpatient programs. Not to mention parental support. Not to mention Special Education and tutors in grammar and high school. Oh , and a college education. Managed to earn a bachelors degree. (Although turned down disability services in college. We did hire a math tutor for alegebra and stats, but the rest he managed to get through himself. He's very intellectual and an excellent researcher and writer. Although it took him 7 years. But at least we don't have to listen to "if I only had my college degree...)
Because you have your friggin college degree and you're not even working full time ( listen, we wouldn't have sent him, further than an AA degree, but he would get A's and compliments from professors on his papers, so we thought he had potential)
I have come to the realization that this is the best that it's going to be. We were hoping for a self supporting adult, but it is not to be. He has major depression, a non verbal learning disability, addiction problems, social anxiety, and severe adhd that can't be medicated because of his addiction problems ( and it never helped him very much anyway)
I will not convey this to D.C., in case some miracle happens and he has some epiphany and starts going to therapy and working full time and gets a life etc. I will continue to be neutral, subtle, and supportive.
I have a really nice husband. He's a great guy. He's secretly devastated about son. He wants to have a better relationship with him. Son is guarded with him because husband refused to enable him when he was living here.
We have a lovely daughter. She has a good job and has nice friends and a really nice boyfriend. She is the smartest 29 year old I know, especially when I talk to her about her brother. I feel better after I talk to her.
I was about to go on antidepressants last week. Three weeks ago, I went to my doctor and got a prescription for xanax. This week, I'm much better. I don't know why.
Maybe it's because I have a lot to be grateful for, despite D.C.
And I have all you guys to lean on, and listen to me vent. Thank you all.
IAD, a poignant, realistic and healthy post, thank you.
I could be off here, but you sound as if you've accepted your son's limitations and recognized as you mentioned,
For me, when I came to that realization, I began to feel a lot better too. As you said, you were "hoping" for something different, but....... this is what is. Interestingly, I felt more gratitude as the acceptance blossomed too.
We're here for you IAD......
Sending big hugs....
I could be off here, but you sound as if you've accepted your son's limitations and recognized as you mentioned,
For me, when I came to that realization, I began to feel a lot better too. As you said, you were "hoping" for something different, but....... this is what is. Interestingly, I felt more gratitude as the acceptance blossomed too.
We're here for you IAD......
Sending big hugs....
