Relapse. Blew a .23 last Sunday.
- Thread starter in a daze
- Start date
Albatross
Well-Known Member
I was wondering how things had settled out, Daze.
You've given him so many advantages, and when they don't use them that is just SO frustrating as a parent. I have similar feelings, actually about both of my children. My daughter has a college degree (which we financed) in a field that has critical shortages yet works 50+ hours a week at a close to minimum wage job...then complains about how poor and time-strapped she is. Frustrating!
BUT...she doesn't ask me for money, doesn't ask me to fix her problems, so at least there's that. She might turn it around sometime...who knows?
I am very glad the drama has settled down somewhat, Daze. I hope your son does decide to get back into a program. It sure sounds like you gave him a good foundation, and no one can ever take that away.
You've given him so many advantages, and when they don't use them that is just SO frustrating as a parent. I have similar feelings, actually about both of my children. My daughter has a college degree (which we financed) in a field that has critical shortages yet works 50+ hours a week at a close to minimum wage job...then complains about how poor and time-strapped she is. Frustrating!
BUT...she doesn't ask me for money, doesn't ask me to fix her problems, so at least there's that. She might turn it around sometime...who knows?
I am going to try to remember this the next time I field a complaint call!
I am very glad the drama has settled down somewhat, Daze. I hope your son does decide to get back into a program. It sure sounds like you gave him a good foundation, and no one can ever take that away.
Nice to know another parent with similar issues with their offspring Alba. Although I can't envision my kid working 50 hours a week like your daughter. You have to give her that. I asked him this week if he was capable of working 40 hours a week and he said he didn't know, he has trouble getting up in the morning (mood better at night so he goes to bed about 2 am or so...) ughhh....
Yes, the foundation has been laid but the house is only half built. Hopefully will be finished someday but not holding my breath. Lol...
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Daze. I just read the thread.
Here's the glass half full: Wow. He's got fight. He does not quit. He seems fiercely independent. He wants to work. He seems to have a strong sense of right and wrong. Even about himself. He is hanging in there.
I know. I know. I know how hard it is. I am not posting because of the pain of it all.
But the thing is this: your son may not be batting 1000, but he keeps going out to the plate. He hits. He runs. And he keeps at it.
He's got guts. And character. From what you write I admire him.
Here's the glass half full: Wow. He's got fight. He does not quit. He seems fiercely independent. He wants to work. He seems to have a strong sense of right and wrong. Even about himself. He is hanging in there.
I know. I know. I know how hard it is. I am not posting because of the pain of it all.
But the thing is this: your son may not be batting 1000, but he keeps going out to the plate. He hits. He runs. And he keeps at it.
He's got guts. And character. From what you write I admire him.
Why, thank you, Copa. This is uncanny. It seems like you have channeled him!
He can be very stubborn, and he does have a very developed, almost black and white sense of right and wrong. He is obsessed with politics, and his views are very liberal. He has disowned my sister, her husband, and his cousins, because he says they are racists (they are soft republicans who will on occasion say subtly racist remarks. They drink a lot, too, and he feels judged because he can't drink.) He has had the same friends for years, although he doesn't see them often because they live across town, and he doesn't have a car. He is fiercely loyal to his friends.
He likes living independently, and doesn't want to give it up. He doesn't want to live with addicts anymore, even though he is an addict. They are loud, rude, noisy at night, have stolen from him, and have bullied him.
I know he's an addict as well, but he does none of the above. He's a nice guy.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Wow, Daze.
I am trying something on for size with my own son. To stay present and by that I mean several things:
--stay in the moment; not freakout about what will be or has been.
--not compare to an ideal in my mind, to other people, to my hopes of what could be or could have been.
--quell my fear.
--surrender control.
--stay in communication. Open and vulnerable.
--without expectation except to show love and receive it.
It is kind of like when they were babies. Except with an adult. Just that. Keeping the bond.
Your son sounds like a wonderful person.
How old is he?
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I feel like I have gone all through Kubler Ross's stages of grief which are:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
(I know them all because they were really big when I was in college/nursing school in the seventies)
Copa, I hope you can somehow, or some way, obtain peace of mind no matter what happens with your son.
Here's a hug from me....
Oh God, I know, RN. Do they have some kind of aftercare program? Or supportive housing? I wonder what they will recommend when he finishes.
Saw him on Wednesday and he looked and sounded pretty good. Had a hair cut finally. But grew a beard. I don't care about the beard.
Yes, he looked and sounded pretty stable, but that can all turn on a dime.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
A haircut can make all the difference in how we "see" them!
We are moving to the eastern shore of Alabama for my job this summer. He doesn't know it yet. Will tell him this weekend when we visit. I am seeing my therapist tonight to finalize plan on HOW/WHAT we are telling him. Firm boundaries and his plan for moving forward. He will be coming with us.
So this morning he called me to tell me that he lost his job. The job that he's managed to hang on to for four years. Three no calls no shows in a year, tardiness, write ups, what have you.
I've been a wreck all day. I went to an FA meeting tonight and I feel better. (I know, last week I said I was done. I go back and forth between being detached and being enmeshed)
Me and hubs were suspicious that something was going on. He has been very evasive lately and not returning calls and texts.
He is thinking about intensive outpatient. He has leads on a couple of job. I have contacted his p doctor, who has concurred that he should be in intensive outpatient,
WHEN is he ever going to get it? WHEN? His p doctor really wants him to get therapy for the social anxiety. This fuels his drinking binges.
I've been a wreck all day. I went to an FA meeting tonight and I feel better. (I know, last week I said I was done. I go back and forth between being detached and being enmeshed)
Me and hubs were suspicious that something was going on. He has been very evasive lately and not returning calls and texts.
He is thinking about intensive outpatient. He has leads on a couple of job. I have contacted his p doctor, who has concurred that he should be in intensive outpatient,
WHEN is he ever going to get it? WHEN? His p doctor really wants him to get therapy for the social anxiety. This fuels his drinking binges.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
In a Daze
Oh that's just great right?
The silver lining is that he is thinking about intensive outpatient and has some job leads.
That is good that he is figuring this out.....
We all go back and forth with detaching but when they are in trouble our mommy instincts take over our mind and body. I hate it too.
Oh that's just great right?
The silver lining is that he is thinking about intensive outpatient and has some job leads.
That is good that he is figuring this out.....
We all go back and forth with detaching but when they are in trouble our mommy instincts take over our mind and body. I hate it too.
