The truth comes out...maybe

[Scent of Cedar *]

That's alright, Lil.

WE WILL LIFT THEM FOR YOU.

Shazaam!

:O)

Cedar

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, Lil, I'm so sorry.
I think this time he's on his own. Which had to happen sooner or later. Let the chips fall where they may.
You've done more than enough for him.
My heart breaks for you.

 

[dstc_99]

He thanked me then asked if we had an RCA adapter he could use because he has a VCR and a giant TV to hook up.

Shiver me timbers! That one made me laugh/sob into my screen. Seriously he gets arrested for stealing blue-ray DVD's when he doesn't have a blu-ray player and now he wants his new electronics hooked up. Big red flag? I don't know but I would be seriously wondering where those came from.

 

[Nancy]

I did not mean to offend you and my comment was not to suggestthat PD's worked any less that anyone else. I was only trying to say I understood where you were coming from.

I wish you well and hope things change for the better soon.

 

[BusynMember]

I hope he didn't steal the VCR/TV.

Wishing you the best of luck.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Big red flag? I don't know but I would be seriously wondering where those came from.

Don't know about the VCR but if he needs an RF adapter, its a 10 plus year old TV so I doubt seriously that its stolen. Honestly, knowing how much those damned things weigh, I'm surprised he carried it to his apartment!! Ok, just thought about my opening line. How long has it been since they even manufactured VCR's?!?! My guess would be someone in his building upgraded.

 

[Lil]

I did not mean to offend you and my comment was not to suggestthat PD's worked any less that anyone else. I was only trying to say I understood where you were coming from.

You didn't offend. I say myself I sucked as a PD. They are overworked and have no time to give cases the attention they deserve. I absolutely agree with you.

Remember the lady on the other thread who's son was in jail for assault and she wanted to hire a lawyer? I told her the same thing. PD's do their best and her son was definitely guilty and a plea bargain was his best bet and that's what PD's do best. If our kid was in that position, PD it would be. May be now too.

I hope he didn't steal the VCR/TV.

Why on earth would anyone steal a VCR? They don't even make those anymore do they? He's got a TV, it's a 13" with a built in DVD player and I wouldn't put it past him to swap it with someone for an old TV because it's bigger.

Just like a year ago he wanted us to trade the Escape for an old car because the car was cooler.

Because he's an idiot.

 

[Lil]

Don't know about the VCR but if he needs an RF adapter, its a 10 plus year old TV so I doubt seriously that its stolen.

Really...we have three we can't give away. Truly. We've tried.

 

[Jabberwockey]

He's got a TV, it's a 13" with a built in DVD player and I wouldn't put it past him to swap it with someone for an old TV because it's bigger.

Even that doesn't make any sense. He has no cable, he has no dvd's to watch except those he bothers to get from the library, he CERTAINLY has no VHS tapes to play in a VCR. The more I think about this, the less sense it makes?!?!?!?!?!

 

[Lil]

he CERTAINLY has no VHS tapes

But they have a lot of VHS at the library to check out. Certainly more than they have DVD's.

I don't know, ask him. I really don't care.

I'm going back to work now.

 

[BusynMember]

Lil, you may not realize it (but being so smart, I'm sure you do), but you have moved from Point A to Point B.

At Point A we are desperate and determined to save our kids.

At Point B we don't even want to know, Know what I mean??

I'm glad you are doing ok with this. Could be his roommate who did it too, but you know what?

We never do know the truth. It's a waste of our time to even ask. At least, that's where I finally ended up.

 

[Tanya M]

That's part of what is so maddening, trying to figure out their logic - oh wait, there is no logic!!
When I finally stopped trying to figure out my difficult child's way of thinking my stress level went way down.

 

[dstc_99]

That's part of what is so maddening, trying to figure out their logic - oh wait, there is no logic!!
When I finally stopped trying to figure out my difficult child's way of thinking my stress level went way down.

Yep! Can I get an Amen! LOL

My difficult child once sold almost everything of worth in her college dorm in order to move into with her current boyfriend. She did not understand why we got mad when she attempted to sell her brand new Apple computer that we purchased for her high school graduation. I was still making payments on the dang thing and she was trying to sell it for a few hundred dollars at most. Her add even said obo so I know she was willing to go lower. I told her she could sell everything else she wanted because it was paid for but that if she sold that computer which was in my name I would report it as stolen and have them arrest her. I was furious!

 

[BusynMember]

I disagree. There's logic...to them. In their world. The DVDs were stole for a reason that we will never know. But...trust me, there is some reason, even if it is only because they were bored and wanted to watch movies.

Bravo for the "logic" of difficult child!!!!!

 

[Kathy813]

He went on and on about failing. How we dropped $600 on the apartment and told him not to fail...and how did we think that made him feel?

Oh boy, if that isn't difficult child logic at its best! This is all your fault because you paid his rent for him and that put pressure on the poor boy not to fail.



I think that we all laughed about the television since that is also GFGness at its best. Worried about his arrest? Nope, he is worried about being able to watch television. Sheesh.

Jabber and Lil, I forgot a step in my previous post about the steps that we difficult child parents all seem to take. It was the one about difficult child gets in trouble with the law and we rush in to help get them out of trouble.

Yup, been there and done that. My difficult child had a DUI and we paid for the lawyer, fine, and DUI school. All difficult child had to do was do her community service which she managed to get out of because she was young and cute and the guy in charge of signing her papers went ahead and lied for her about the number of hours she had served.

difficult child was arrested again last year for having a 1mg xanax in a bottle of pills that was supposed to be 2mg pills. The police found it because they had been called to the house where difficult child lived and had gotten into a drunken fight.

To make a long story short, she knew we wouldn't bail her out this time so she didn't call us. She was released on her own recognizance and used a public defender. She was working full time and making $11 an hour at the time. I know she is in a different state but having a job in Florida didn't keep her from qualifying for a PD.

by the way, he did a good job and got her off. She was able to get a doctor to write a note stating that she also had a prescription at the time for the 1 mg xanax and had put it in the wrong bottle.

difficult child handled it completely by herself. We did look at the court records to see if she was telling the truth that it was dismissed and she was.

Bottom line . . . I completely get where you are coming from, Lil. However, it will be just one more time where you are rescuing your difficult child from facing the consequences of his actions. How will he learn from this if you do? Trust me, I am not judging you. I was the queen of rescuers. It just didn't fix anything and I now believe I was making things worse.

~Kathy

 

[Lil]

Well, given that one of my friends checked with the lawyer she used for her daughter (who makes my difficult child look like a easy child, bless her heart) and he said $1,500 for a plea and $3,000 retainer if it was going to trial, and that he told her the price is pretty much standard with the private attorney's around here...and really it sounds about right to me, I was just hoping for less or that I could call in a favor with, but there's just not. (The judge is actually someone I've always been friendly with - but that won't matter unfortunately...we're not THAT friendly)... so a PD is what he's going to get. We can't. We simply can't afford it. We make decent money, but with home repairs and remodeling we're doing and everything else...our home equity line is almost maxed thanks to his college dorm costs...we just can't pay that. She said she's sure she could get him to take half and then payments, which would really only be as a favor to her and professional courtesy.

She also said he said that WalMart is kind of notorious for having all the people in a group arrested, but that they also have really great cameras and if he was acting like lookout, as opposed to just shopping, they'll be able to tell. In which case, they'll act accordingly.

 

[dstc_99]

I'm glad you are getting the info you need. Talk it out with Jabber and see how you feel. You two are reasonable and smart. You will decide exactly what will work for you.

 

[Nancy]

I have spent a good deal of time looking up court cases not only for my difficult child but for all the losers she hung out with. Walmart was notorious for prosecuting shoplifters in our area. So is Dillards.

 

[Lil]

Last night I spent about 1/2 an hour reading old emails between my son and me, or his counselor and me, going back to the summer 2013. I can't believe this has been going on so long. We tried trust. We tried counseling. We tried medications he wouldn't take. We tried restricting his money. We tried giving him his own. I'm just...so tired of all this.

I'm kind of back to the "WTF? How could this happen?" way of thinking. It just boggles the mind that MY child could have this happen and not SEE that it's the choices he's made that led here.

From choosing to hang out with losers to choosing to do drugs to choosing to leave school early (graduate, but missing a computer tech certification by ONE semester) to choosing to steal and blow off college and steal again and to STILL, even if he's innocent, hang out with the kind of people who DO these things. And having "people" and fun things to do is SO important to him. These are exerts from an email he sent when we discovered last summer he hadn't really been job hunting; this is what we hear...all the time...when things go wrong.

I don't mean to "blow off" any suggestion you make, but I've tried so much, and nothing works. There are few things in life I enjoy doing on a regular basis. Hanging with friends, gaming, ect, theres only so much I can actually do and when Im unable to occupy my time in a way that I feel comfortable and enjoy doing its very upsetting.

Even before I moved, I had friends, I could game/stream whenever, I had use of the car, and now almost everything is the complete opposite. I've spent this week applying to places online through craigslist because honestly, I want and need a job that I don't mind doing and/or makes use of my skill set and its upsetting knowing that even with my extensive computer literacy I can't get an email from almost anyone, which upsets me more

Part of my problem I guess is that I get the idea that I "need" money sometimes, but other times its that I can't go out and do anything I want without it. Hell, if I had use of the car or some pocket cash, I could go and find someone to hang with or something to do, but that isn't the case because almost everything nowadays requires some form of payment

...Just even if I do or don't get the job, I'm still stuck and I CANNOT stop dwelling on being alone with nobody to hang with and nothing to take my mind off of anything. I'm so so so so so so so so sorry for everything and I feel at this point that you guys don't even deserve me as a worthless son. I'm sorry. I'm trying SO HARD but I can't okay. I'm sorry I'm letting you down I'm sorry I'm dissapointing you and making you upset and I'm sorry. I'm just so so sorry okay.

These were almost a year ago...and nothing has really changed.

The "I don't have anyone. I'm all alone. I have nothing and no one." is like a mantra. We hear it over and over and over. Seriously, is there some mental condition that makes people feel pathologically bored and lonely? He's been like this for years. We call it, "Poor pitiful me" mode.

I really don't think he sees that his own choices lead to this. It's bad enough he has no real friends...which is a true statement...but he has never been able to figure out that he needs to make himself happy...he needs to be comfortable in his own skin and find a hobby or something he can enjoy solo. So he makes himself unhappy and has his mind made up that these people he calls "friends" are so important. If he'd just go to work and go home and do anything! I tried and tried to get him to do anything to fill his time, from writing and reading to baking cookies to exercise. All suggestions were met with contempt.

I don't even know why I've written this long post. I guess, I'm just working through the things that have led to this point in his life.

 

[Lil]

His other big thing is understanding...we don't understand. No one understands. He has to explain and explain and explain because we don't understand.

I do really need you guys to really actually listen to me.
I'm not trying to make things hard, I'm not trying
to argue. I just want anyone at all to see my point, because
noboby seems to be understanding me.

If a person doesn't agree with him, they must not understand. He won't shut the hell up and just stop trying. He argues and argues and argues, but it's not arguing...it's "explaining". He did that Monday night until I literally told him shut the eff up and get out of my car!

I keep hoping maybe something good will come of this latest horror. If he'll maybe begin to see the life he continues to live has led to this. But in the end, I don't think he will. I don't think he actually understands that at all. I think he thinks that things just happen to him that he doesn't want to happen...that he can't catch a break...that it's all out of his control.

It's all very sad.