Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
He is in detox 72 hours in observation with no contact. He will be there until he chooses to leave (and goes to prison) or goes to rehab on the 5th
There is no Dick Clark but the final count down is on.
- Thread starter Littleboylost
- Start date
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
He is 10 years younger than my son and they are in the same place. Having to decide based on hope and self-worth or not.
You gave him this gift.
You gave him this gift.
BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
Once again you did the right thing. The only thing you could do. There was no other way this could have possibly ended. I am actually wrong about that, this could have taken a much darker turn than it did. He could have OD'd and died, he could have committed even more grievous crimes, he could have God forbid lashed out violently against you and/or your husband and seriously injured or even killed you.
You did what you had to do, when you had to do it. You cut him slack and tried to trust him, and unfortunately he is still an active addict. He cannot be trusted in this state. You know that now.
This is not a normal situation and you cannot expect to feel normal right now.
Continuing to pray for you and yours. Keep us posted. Reach out to your NarAnon community too if you haven't already. I would be very surprised if some of those folks have not gone through this exact same situation.
Big hugs.
You did what you had to do, when you had to do it. You cut him slack and tried to trust him, and unfortunately he is still an active addict. He cannot be trusted in this state. You know that now.
This is not a normal situation and you cannot expect to feel normal right now.
Continuing to pray for you and yours. Keep us posted. Reach out to your NarAnon community too if you haven't already. I would be very surprised if some of those folks have not gone through this exact same situation.
Big hugs.
Oh LBL, you did what you had to do and it doesn't feel good at all.....boy do I know that feeling.
Throughout this ordeal with your son, you have shown tremendous courage, incredible strength of conviction and undying love for your son......each one of those attributes lead you to this choice......he is exactly where he put himself........ and now he can choose.
His words to you are the addict talking, not your son.....don't allow the words to pierce your heart.
Nourish your weary heart....there is nothing else to do now.....take care of yourself LBL, we're all here for you......you're not alone.....
Throughout this ordeal with your son, you have shown tremendous courage, incredible strength of conviction and undying love for your son......each one of those attributes lead you to this choice......he is exactly where he put himself........ and now he can choose.
His words to you are the addict talking, not your son.....don't allow the words to pierce your heart.
Nourish your weary heart....there is nothing else to do now.....take care of yourself LBL, we're all here for you......you're not alone.....
Albatross
Well-Known Member
I think this is true. It makes me so angry sometimes, to see what addiction does to our children and to the parents who love them.
Don't turn this hurt on yourself, LBL. As the others said, that was the drugs talking.
Yes, he has the responsibility for deciding to pick up, for deciding to reject your advice, but I believe the claws of the addiction were into him too deeply to allow him to think or feel anything other than the overwhelming need for his next high. I have faith that you will see your son again very soon, once he has a chance to clear his head.
so ready to live
Well-Known Member
Oh LBL. No additional advice from here but please know you will survive as we did. It hurts so darn much, I realized that "breaking heart" actually physically hurt...who knew?
I send you a huge hug from Indiana, you are strong, you have done all you can. Let it play out as it must, it's his chance to be saved. Prayers.
I send you a huge hug from Indiana, you are strong, you have done all you can. Let it play out as it must, it's his chance to be saved. Prayers.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Thank you all! Your words help so much. It was a day of drifting through the days work and tasks with scatted thoughts and poor concentration.
I can not believe they let him use the phone as much as they do. He called both my husband and I several times. I answered once. He requested a pillow and a blanket. I delivered them to Detox earlier this evening. No visit just a drop off. He called to say thank you and good night
His girlfriend and her Cop mother are low life meddling enablers. It is a terrible awful thing to say but I truly despise them. They have refused to allow us to collect our sons belongings. She was so blasé about the cocaine and the weed. I wonder if she takes drugs herself! I would love to have reported it to he local police but it would incriminate my son and put him out of rehab in jail with a definite criminal record. Just makes me sick to my stomach and adds more stress where we already have enough.
He has asked for an adult colouring book. I will get him one tomorrow.
He was demanding to be taken to the hospital this morning and to our family doctor. Detox said they have a doctor coming in tomorrow. Evan refused to been seen. We ignored it. I take him asking for a pillow and blanket as a good sign.
I can not believe they let him use the phone as much as they do. He called both my husband and I several times. I answered once. He requested a pillow and a blanket. I delivered them to Detox earlier this evening. No visit just a drop off. He called to say thank you and good night
His girlfriend and her Cop mother are low life meddling enablers. It is a terrible awful thing to say but I truly despise them. They have refused to allow us to collect our sons belongings. She was so blasé about the cocaine and the weed. I wonder if she takes drugs herself! I would love to have reported it to he local police but it would incriminate my son and put him out of rehab in jail with a definite criminal record. Just makes me sick to my stomach and adds more stress where we already have enough.
He has asked for an adult colouring book. I will get him one tomorrow.
He was demanding to be taken to the hospital this morning and to our family doctor. Detox said they have a doctor coming in tomorrow. Evan refused to been seen. We ignored it. I take him asking for a pillow and blanket as a good sign.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Lbl. These are pos people. Pos is a prison term. Here I refer to cop mom and girlfriend. I know this is a child. But I know where my loyalties lie. I hate them for you. You can let it go.
They are not the issue. Evan is. You are. Husband is.
It seems like Evan is already calming down. And how sweet. (I am not being facetious.) He's asking mommy to bring his blankie and a colouring book.
How touching. This is a teddy bear child. On drugs. No wonder your life has been a nightmare.
He is safe. He will do this, I believe. Rest. I am glad you checked in.
They are not the issue. Evan is. You are. Husband is.
It seems like Evan is already calming down. And how sweet. (I am not being facetious.) He's asking mommy to bring his blankie and a colouring book.
How touching. This is a teddy bear child. On drugs. No wonder your life has been a nightmare.
He is safe. He will do this, I believe. Rest. I am glad you checked in.
BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
You are right LBL, his contacting you and his dad, speaking to you politely, and asking for a few items to help make his stay easier, are all positive signs.
It would be very hard for me not to go nuclear on the POS girlfriend and cop mama. I commend you on your restraint. You are right that it is best for E that you simply ignore them unless they escalate further, or you gather evidence that they knowingly supplied E with illegal drugs. That might be a different story.
Hopefully during E's time in detox and then rehab he will see these people as the POS they are and never see them again once he is out.
BIG HUGS and hope that E's contact with you is helping you to feel just a bit better.
It would be very hard for me not to go nuclear on the POS girlfriend and cop mama. I commend you on your restraint. You are right that it is best for E that you simply ignore them unless they escalate further, or you gather evidence that they knowingly supplied E with illegal drugs. That might be a different story.
Hopefully during E's time in detox and then rehab he will see these people as the POS they are and never see them again once he is out.
BIG HUGS and hope that E's contact with you is helping you to feel just a bit better.
newstart
Well-Known Member
LBL, Just know my thoughts and prayers are all around you and I admire you so much for taking the bull by the horns and doing all you can to stop the madness that right now is your son's behavior. This maybe hard but not doing anything about this would even be harder for you. Taking action and putting that action into motion takes guts, love and devotion.. I know it hurts now but it has to feel better than not taking any action at all. You are forcing the good changes that have to come. You are strong and loving and using your love force to stop the destructive behavior. I am looking foward to your future posts saying that he has finally straightened out. Amen.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
OMG I remember the first time J was in detox. He told the psychiatrist he was going to "F the place up". Doctor said that's fine, if you do we will call the police.
When I was told that I was beyond shocked. The son I knew would never say that! Honestly for a moment thought he had to be talking about someone else.
Well that was at the beginning of this awful journey and I learned to never say "never". Not much shocks me nowadays sadly.
Glad he is being civil now.
When I was told that I was beyond shocked. The son I knew would never say that! Honestly for a moment thought he had to be talking about someone else.
Well that was at the beginning of this awful journey and I learned to never say "never". Not much shocks me nowadays sadly.
Glad he is being civil now.
ColleenB
Active Member
Hugs and healing vibes sent your way.
I think that you dropping off the pillow at detox shows him you are there for him and the fact he even called to ask shows he knows.
Honestly at this point you had no choice. He is safe and that is more important right now.
Hang in there.
I think that you dropping off the pillow at detox shows him you are there for him and the fact he even called to ask shows he knows.
Honestly at this point you had no choice. He is safe and that is more important right now.
Hang in there.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Update
Super insane day. First and foremost I worked with the most human and understanding person today and I am blesssed for that. Simply becomes it was a
show.
Son left rehab. There was a struggle and challenge that was blown onto mammoth proportions by both detox staff and my son. They both own their part.
Son was indeed sick is on antibiotics. Is also acting out like a person in detox will.
He was given a discharge shot for spotting into the garbage, he is coughing up wads of stuff as spot and cig smoking addict will do. He said the staff were unreasonable harsh with him and he was sick and could not make it to the toilet on another floor to spit. Well ok ther is his story their story and somewhere in between lies the truth. All said and done I can not go back on my word.
He took his little suitcase and stumbled our onto the ugly street of his surrounding city. He called me again in tears I again told him work it out call me with a plan or I can’t hwlp you. I am not leaving work, I am not picking you up and I am not letting you come home.
He called his rehab intake coordinator (keep in mind he is detoxing) and hat went very badly he trashed me and the detox and she ended the conversation with him and called me.
She indicated that in his present state he would not be welcome into the program. That he needed to find a secure monitored place to stay until rehab and she agreed this was not at home.
He called and said he was going to the local hospital with an addiction program in hopes of finding a bed. Had no money an not way to get there. I did Uber him (it was $11). He sat for hours only to find they had no beds open. He broke down and called me again. Said he was starving and by this time he had not eaten since breakfast. I said I would meet him and get him some food. I had not idea what I would do.
I got a text from Wyatt his drug buddy who is now clean and sober. He said he was willing to try to find a place for Evan to stay.
I picked up Evan and honestly I New my son was a drug addict and thin but until I picked him up from the active inner city ER and saw just how much he fit in with all the other addicts milking about I was truly fooling myself.
When I caught sight of his hyperactive frail coughing Frame I fell on a very deep emotional hole. I could not move I could not breathe. My only thought was if this boy does not get clean he is going to die.
The empathy on the ER staffs face said it all and humiliated me all at the same time. I collected him and we went to the car. He immediately begged to come home and all the usual histrionic babble followed.
I had arranged to meet with his pal Wyatt, I told E we would not discuss anything I had gotten a bagel and a tea at the hospital kiosk for him to eat. I said eat and we will talk after.
He didn’t notice where we were until almost to meet his friend. I met his friend at his place of work. Oddly E was surprised and relieved all at the same time.
When Wyatt entered the car I began my interventional talk. For the first time it was not derailed. The intervention went very very well.
We talked about accountability, consequences and tolerance. I told E he could simply not come home and if he could not find a place to reside I would hav to take him to the nearest police station.
Wyatt tried his best to find a safe and restrictive haven for E. none where available. He finally reached out to the head of his sober living home and employed her to help out he even offered his floor in his room if needed.
There was a home discussion and vote and they were willing to take Evan in as a monitored pre rehab admission. He could not stay with his friend he would have to share a room with another 65 year old resident they didn’t have a spare bed at the time. He had to come with a current drug screen. I was a bit stressed as I have never been able to get a drug screen kit at a local pharmacy in my town. Wyatt informed me that the local Walmart pharmacy did have them.
If we go to Walmart get a drug test, blow up mattress, hair brush. I love this Wyatt my kids migrated to the most expensive of each and Wyatt put them back and said oh look this one will do and it’s cheaper.
In line I had my son the drug kit, he said “what here now?” I said 100% I gave him a small bag for the sample. I then took the sample into the ladies and tested it. No surprise to anyone still positive for cocain and THC. The THC will take a while but sober living slash temporary rehab want all other drugs free or they will turf him.
I moved his ya bit no but ya but no act by the Walmart exit. Wyatt gave him a big and said thanks for coming lean E be ISS the only person you lie to is yourself.
He had many horrible moments of shame and blame could be manipulation could be reality not mine to judge at the moment.
He went to the bone in a super rough area of town. All sorts of street walkers in a vast array of inappropriate dress. Good it’s not supposed to be comfortable st all?
He is being given a temporary NA sponsor and he is not to leave the home without Wyatt, the sponsor or myself.
I have to go each evening to drug test him (as the home is private sober living they don’t have staff to drug test).
I can not believe what a blessing this young man had been to my son. R clearly has horseshoes.
I cautioned Wyatt not to make E his personal responsibility. E is responsible for his own actions and Wyatt provided a Hail Mary. These rest is up to E.
He also told E no contact with the girl. He knows her does not think she is good for E and does indeed do harder drugs. Yay for her that she can manage to work, go to school and have an 80% average. When she pointed that out on s fit of anger st me I Simply asked how does that compare to where E is at. Failing grade 13 the second time around and a life in shambles. Clearly my concern is my son and not girlfriend
So he is in a very rough part of town and is sleeping on a floor. Let’s see how much he really wants to stay out of jail and go to rehab. It’s going to be a long 5 days.
Rehab will have a confenece with us tomorrow for an update. They made it very clear that Evan could not come back to our home. Too close to enabler girlfriend.
I have never met this young man and rightly so, he was one of my sons drug buddies. Wyatt did an incredible job of calming my E down and presenting again the options that are available.
Well let’s see how he does with his current situation. One day at a Time!!
Super insane day. First and foremost I worked with the most human and understanding person today and I am blesssed for that. Simply becomes it was a
show. Son left rehab. There was a struggle and challenge that was blown onto mammoth proportions by both detox staff and my son. They both own their part.
Son was indeed sick is on antibiotics. Is also acting out like a person in detox will.
He was given a discharge shot for spotting into the garbage, he is coughing up wads of stuff as spot and cig smoking addict will do. He said the staff were unreasonable harsh with him and he was sick and could not make it to the toilet on another floor to spit. Well ok ther is his story their story and somewhere in between lies the truth. All said and done I can not go back on my word.
He took his little suitcase and stumbled our onto the ugly street of his surrounding city. He called me again in tears I again told him work it out call me with a plan or I can’t hwlp you. I am not leaving work, I am not picking you up and I am not letting you come home.
He called his rehab intake coordinator (keep in mind he is detoxing) and hat went very badly he trashed me and the detox and she ended the conversation with him and called me.
She indicated that in his present state he would not be welcome into the program. That he needed to find a secure monitored place to stay until rehab and she agreed this was not at home.
He called and said he was going to the local hospital with an addiction program in hopes of finding a bed. Had no money an not way to get there. I did Uber him (it was $11). He sat for hours only to find they had no beds open. He broke down and called me again. Said he was starving and by this time he had not eaten since breakfast. I said I would meet him and get him some food. I had not idea what I would do.
I got a text from Wyatt his drug buddy who is now clean and sober. He said he was willing to try to find a place for Evan to stay.
I picked up Evan and honestly I New my son was a drug addict and thin but until I picked him up from the active inner city ER and saw just how much he fit in with all the other addicts milking about I was truly fooling myself.
When I caught sight of his hyperactive frail coughing Frame I fell on a very deep emotional hole. I could not move I could not breathe. My only thought was if this boy does not get clean he is going to die.
The empathy on the ER staffs face said it all and humiliated me all at the same time. I collected him and we went to the car. He immediately begged to come home and all the usual histrionic babble followed.
I had arranged to meet with his pal Wyatt, I told E we would not discuss anything I had gotten a bagel and a tea at the hospital kiosk for him to eat. I said eat and we will talk after.
He didn’t notice where we were until almost to meet his friend. I met his friend at his place of work. Oddly E was surprised and relieved all at the same time.
When Wyatt entered the car I began my interventional talk. For the first time it was not derailed. The intervention went very very well.
We talked about accountability, consequences and tolerance. I told E he could simply not come home and if he could not find a place to reside I would hav to take him to the nearest police station.
Wyatt tried his best to find a safe and restrictive haven for E. none where available. He finally reached out to the head of his sober living home and employed her to help out he even offered his floor in his room if needed.
There was a home discussion and vote and they were willing to take Evan in as a monitored pre rehab admission. He could not stay with his friend he would have to share a room with another 65 year old resident they didn’t have a spare bed at the time. He had to come with a current drug screen. I was a bit stressed as I have never been able to get a drug screen kit at a local pharmacy in my town. Wyatt informed me that the local Walmart pharmacy did have them.
If we go to Walmart get a drug test, blow up mattress, hair brush. I love this Wyatt my kids migrated to the most expensive of each and Wyatt put them back and said oh look this one will do and it’s cheaper.
In line I had my son the drug kit, he said “what here now?” I said 100% I gave him a small bag for the sample. I then took the sample into the ladies and tested it. No surprise to anyone still positive for cocain and THC. The THC will take a while but sober living slash temporary rehab want all other drugs free or they will turf him.
I moved his ya bit no but ya but no act by the Walmart exit. Wyatt gave him a big and said thanks for coming lean E be ISS the only person you lie to is yourself.
He had many horrible moments of shame and blame could be manipulation could be reality not mine to judge at the moment.
He went to the bone in a super rough area of town. All sorts of street walkers in a vast array of inappropriate dress. Good it’s not supposed to be comfortable st all?
He is being given a temporary NA sponsor and he is not to leave the home without Wyatt, the sponsor or myself.
I have to go each evening to drug test him (as the home is private sober living they don’t have staff to drug test).
I can not believe what a blessing this young man had been to my son. R clearly has horseshoes.
I cautioned Wyatt not to make E his personal responsibility. E is responsible for his own actions and Wyatt provided a Hail Mary. These rest is up to E.
He also told E no contact with the girl. He knows her does not think she is good for E and does indeed do harder drugs. Yay for her that she can manage to work, go to school and have an 80% average. When she pointed that out on s fit of anger st me I Simply asked how does that compare to where E is at. Failing grade 13 the second time around and a life in shambles. Clearly my concern is my son and not girlfriend
So he is in a very rough part of town and is sleeping on a floor. Let’s see how much he really wants to stay out of jail and go to rehab. It’s going to be a long 5 days.
Rehab will have a confenece with us tomorrow for an update. They made it very clear that Evan could not come back to our home. Too close to enabler girlfriend.
I have never met this young man and rightly so, he was one of my sons drug buddies. Wyatt did an incredible job of calming my E down and presenting again the options that are available.
Well let’s see how he does with his current situation. One day at a Time!!
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Update
Super insane day. First and foremost I worked with the most human and understanding person today and I am blesssed for that. Simply because it was a
Son left rehab. There was a struggle and challenge that was blown to mammoth proportions by both detox staff and my son. They both own their part.
Son was indeed sick, is on antibiotics. Is also acting out like a person in detox will.
He was given a discharge shot for Spitting into the garbage. He is coughing up wads of stuff as pot and cig smoking addicts will do. He said the staff were unreasonable and harsh with him and that he was sick and could not make it to the toilet on another floor to spit. Well ok ther is his story, and their story and somewhere in between lies the truth. All said and done I can not go back on my word.
He took his little suitcase and stumbled our onto the ugly street of his surrounding city. He called me again in tears I again told him work it out call me with a plan or I can’t hwlp you. I am not leaving work, I am not picking you up and I am not letting you come home.
He called his rehab intake coordinator (keep in mind he is detoxing) and hat went very badly he trashed me and the detox and she ended the conversation with him and called me.
She indicated that in his present state he would not be welcome into the program. That he needed to find a secure monitored place to stay until rehab and she agreed this was not at home.
He called and said he was going to the local hospital with an addiction program in hopes of finding a bed. Had no money an not way to get there. I did Uber him (it was $11). He sat for hours only to find they had no beds open. He broke down and called me again. Said he was starving and by this time he had not eaten since breakfast. I said I would meet him and get him some food. I had not idea what I would do.
I got a text from Wyatt his drug buddy who is now clean and sober. He said he was willing to try to find a place for Evan to stay.
I picked up Evan and honestly I New my son was a drug addict and thin but until I picked him up from the active inner city ER and saw just how much he fit in with all the other addicts milking about I was truly fooling myself.
When I caught sight of his hyperactive frail coughing Frame I fell on a very deep emotional hole. I could not move I could not breathe. My only thought was if this boy does not get clean he is going to die.
The empathy on the ER staffs face said it all and humiliated me all at the same time. I collected him and we went to the car. He immediately begged to come home and all the usual histrionic babble followed.
I had arranged to meet with his pal Wyatt, I told E we would not discuss anything I had gotten a bagel and a tea at the hospital kiosk for him to eat. I said eat and we will talk after.
He didn’t notice where we were until almost to meet his friend. I met his friend at his place of work. Oddly E was surprised and relieved all at the same time.
When Wyatt entered the car I began my interventional talk. For the first time it was not derailed. The intervention went very very well.
We talked about accountability, consequences and tolerance. I told E he could simply not come home and if he could not find a place to reside I would hav to take him to the nearest police station.
Wyatt tried his best to find a safe and restrictive haven for E. none where available. He finally reached out to the head of his sober living home and employed her to help out he even offered his floor in his room if needed.
There was a home discussion and vote and they were willing to take Evan in as a monitored pre rehab admission. He could not stay with his friend he would have to share a room with another 65 year old resident they didn’t have a spare bed at the time. He had to come with a current drug screen. I was a bit stressed as I have never been able to get a drug screen kit at a local pharmacy in my town. Wyatt informed me that the local Walmart pharmacy did have them.
So we go to Walmart get a drug test, blow up mattress, hair brush. I love this Wyatt my kid migrated to the most expensive of each and Wyatt put them back and said oh look this one will do and it’s cheaper.
In the check out line I handed my son the drug screen kit, he said “what here now?” I said 100% I gave him a small bag to conceal the sample. I then took the sample into the ladies and tested it. No surprise to anyone still positive for cocain and THC. The THC will take a while but sober living slash temporary Detox want all other drugs free or they will turf him.
I loved his ya bit no but ya but no act by the Walmart exit regarding the positive cocaine test. Wyatt gave him a big hug said thanks for coming lean E because the only person you lie to is yourself.
He had many horrible moments of shame and blame, could be manipulation, could be reality not mine to judge at the moment.
He went to the home in a super rough area of town. All sorts of street walkers in a vast array of inappropriate dress. Good! It’s not supposed to be comfortable at all?
He is being given a temporary NA sponsor and he is not to leave the home without Wyatt, the sponsor or myself.
I have to go each evening to drug test him (as the home is a private sober living they don’t have staff to drug test).
I can not believe what a blessing this young man has been to my son. E clearly has horseshoes you know where.
I cautioned Wyatt not to make E his personal responsibility. E is responsible for his own actions and Wyatt provided him a Hail Mary already. The rest is up to E.
He also told E no contact with the girl. He knows her and does not think she is good for E and she does indeed do harder drugs. Yay for her that she can manage to work, go to school and have an 80% average. When she pointed that out in a fit of anger at me I Simply asked how does that compare to where E is at? Failing grade 12 the second time around and a life in shambles. Clearly my concern is my son and not girlfriend!
So he is in a very rough part of town and is sleeping on a floor. Let’s see how much he really wants to stay out of jail and go to rehab. It’s going to be a long 5 days.
Rehab will have a confenece with us tomorrow for an update. They made it very clear that Evan could not come back to our home. Too close to enabler girlfriend.
I have never met this young man Wyatt and rightly so, he was one of my sons drug buddies. Wyatt did an incredible job of calming my E down and presenting again the options that are available.
Well let’s see how he does with his current situation. One day at a Time!!
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Ye gads please pardon the typos. I am getting a new iPad until then I am often on my phone. Small screen with old eye and an itty bitty key board.
New Leaf
Well-Known Member
Wow LBL, you have been through the mill. Prayers going up that E stays on the straight and narrow. What a blessing Wyatt turned out to be. I am positive this encounter is a lesson for both of them, for E what is possible for him to achieve, for Wyatt, what he does not want to go back to. Hopefully this will work.
God bless you and all that you are doing. Please remember to take good care of yourself.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy
God bless you and all that you are doing. Please remember to take good care of yourself.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy
