I hope he does what it takes, but I'm really worried about his friends mooching and not paying, running up the electric and not paying, etc.
Hi Lil and Jabber.
My son a couple of weeks ago mentioned he was thinking of moving in with a friend to an apartment that cost $750 a month in a bad part of town, that 5 people were going to live there--in a two bedroom. I asked how much he would pay and he responded $400 or so. I said,
how does that make sense, that you would pay so much.
I mean, like he has paid me between $100 and $200
for either a house, or use of my house, with his own room and bathroom.
He said, well,
nobody has any money except me.
I could not help myself and said,
I do not want you to be used by anybody. Your responsibility is yourself, nobody else.
I worried. We are not paying him for working, because he would not report it to Social Security and I do not want to participate in anything that would encourage him to misreport or lose his SSI.
But we bought him a very nice gift--an expensive gravity water filter. Because we wanted to show him that his work had value to us, and we did not want to use him, even though he is our family and everything I have will be his, is his, in a manner of speaking.
Part of the reason I am being hard-nosed about the marijuana and drug testing if he goes to live in the forest in the metro area--is because
he is going to stay in the forest, homeless. If his plan had legs, had any basis in having been thought out or had a bottom line in dignity and a sense of valuing himself, I would feel somewhat differently.
But it does not. He is somewhat backsliding from going. We will see. But the thing is--these kids do not seem to come up with plans that acknowledge their own needs, nor do they think through as to the costs, emotionally (or any other way) of their half-baked schemes.
I for one do not want to either encourage or facilitate half-baked, loony plans. My son burned his bridges with the friends he had. For years and years he could go to an extremely costly metro area--we are talking about minimum 2500 to 3000 a month rent--and have a place to stay. For a long time this hospitality was free. For a time, he paid $500--only asked to pay his fair share. He did not protect these friendships, and the opportunities that came with them. He laments this now, and misses it.
Oh well. I want him to recognize (or not) that he has similar opportunities with us, and to learn to value and protect them. If he chooses not to, he pays the consequences. I do not. I think he is learning this. Little by little.
To say my son is upset is an understatement. He was just about crying when I talked to him.
