I can't do this....
- Thread starter Lil
- Start date
There are two major substances in Marijuana. THC is one - and that one has the "high" impact. I don't remember the exact details on the other, but the other doesn't produce the high.
SOME people need the other substance, medically. And there are forms of Marijuana out there that are high in this other substance and low in THC.
BUT, some people who need medical marijuana seem to need both.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
People smoke plain ole pot for depression or anxiety, I think. Aren't there pot shops? The patients are basically zoning out so they dont feel. I dont like it for psychiatric didorders, but, hey, I'm not a doctor.
For pain and naseau I think only a derivative of pot is used. I could be wrong here. I dont use pot or know much about it.
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For pain and naseau I think only a derivative of pot is used. I could be wrong here. I dont use pot or know much about it.
.
Lil
Well-Known Member
So, getting a jump on the fact that my son agreed to an evaluation, I think I spoke too soon when I said we could find a neuropsychologist. I'm finding many psychologists and a few therapists, but very few psychiatrists.
Those of you in the know, am I looking for a counselor, psychiatrist or a psychologist? There seems to be a center with evaluations for autism...but it deals with pretty much strictly children. This is harder than I thought it would be.
Those of you in the know, am I looking for a counselor, psychiatrist or a psychologist? There seems to be a center with evaluations for autism...but it deals with pretty much strictly children. This is harder than I thought it would be.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
check your nearest university hospital clinic. Thet test all ages.
Lil
Well-Known Member
Thanks. I'll try that.
We have to keep in mind that this is still speculation. He didn't TAKE that option yet. In fact, if he gets work before the 5th, he can still take us up on the apartment.
He just called to let me know two things. #1, He has a friend who might pitch in on the apartment in return for being able to crash there...not sure how much. #2, He's been told that Arby's, which he quit two days before the fire, might hire him back because they are desperate for workers. He actually liked Arby's and they were giving him 30 hours per week...so...
He still has that option. May take it. So I'm not going to get my hopes up yet.
We have to keep in mind that this is still speculation. He didn't TAKE that option yet. In fact, if he gets work before the 5th, he can still take us up on the apartment.
He just called to let me know two things. #1, He has a friend who might pitch in on the apartment in return for being able to crash there...not sure how much. #2, He's been told that Arby's, which he quit two days before the fire, might hire him back because they are desperate for workers. He actually liked Arby's and they were giving him 30 hours per week...so...
He still has that option. May take it. So I'm not going to get my hopes up yet.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Interesting marijuana discussion people. Thank you. Exhausted from work but will give it a try here.
By choosing to adhere to our no pot rule he gains too, because he has observed a limit for us, to be with us. He has chosen to go down a path that leads to responsibility and belonging, not defiance and flakiness. This means even more, to me. And I believe for him, potentially, as well.
At the dispensaries that sell the pot and the affiliated clinic that sells the cards--there is no oversight what so ever. They sell. They are drug dealers. That is what they are to me.
But my son wants the high. He loves the high. He seeks the high. His use is not for pain, but for escape. I feel for him, because he seeks escape into weed, and it is a time of peace when he is not depressed. But I cannot give up the hope for a life for him where he functions and deals with reality and learns ways where he himself can manage his symptoms and gain the self-regard that comes from meeting life consciously and on its own terms, not in a stupor.
I believe it is my responsibility as a parent, as long as I believe he has what it takes to function purposefully, to require this in my presence and in my home. To let this slide to me would be enabling. I would be letting him down. I would lose my own self-respect.
I do not lose sight that it is my son who is responsible for his life, not me. That is what I learned when I came here to this site. I believe it is one of the most important things I have learned in my life, let alone as a parent.
In sum, insisting my son not use when he is around us, has been a good thing. His work habits improve. He works harder and better. He is more compliant. He is invested in doing a good job.
We are still not sure (he wavers) whether or not he is leaving for the length of time he said. We will see what he decides. But I think he needs to know that there will be consequences from us. Not punishment, like for a child, but consequences in the sense of "effects." Like cause and effect. Because decisions do have consequences. It is part of real life. To let him believe otherwise would be wrong. The real world makes us pay. To act differently would be enabling by me--taking away the consequences--so as to spare him the learning.
M is the one who is very big on this. He says we should not influence him one way or another. That the only way we learn is through our errors and our successes.
This is my position. My son may not realize it but the next day after he uses marijuana we can always tell because he is depressed, hung over, lethargic and borderline hostile. Without it he is more receptive, responsive, flexible and motivated in small but important ways, like cleaning his mess, sweeping the floor, washing dishes, etc. These things mean a great deal to me, and make a world of difference, for him. Because with these decisions to be constructive, he joins our family, and he gains self-esteem.
By choosing to adhere to our no pot rule he gains too, because he has observed a limit for us, to be with us. He has chosen to go down a path that leads to responsibility and belonging, not defiance and flakiness. This means even more, to me. And I believe for him, potentially, as well.
No. But that is his decision and problem not mine. And I believe, actually, that homelessness did help him. He learned he did not like homelessness, and with this, that it might be worth it to learn to encourage certain behaviors and to discourage others. In other words, to conform in order to get what he wants, and avoid what he doesn't. Actually, I believe homelessness helped. The decision to do what it takes to no longer live in the street, like a roaming animal. He chose society, because he wanted to.
He tells me that with heavy, frequent use the effects can stay in his body for more than a month. I confirmed that. He tries to convince me it can be even longer, but I do not buy it.
Now, I never was against either marijuana or medical marijuana--until my son began to use heavily. He wants the high. In CA while there may be some users who use medicinally, it is largely a scam. I buy that it is better to use pot say for anxiety--rather than Xanex. But only to a point. In my son's case the pot use became the center of his life, his only source of motivation.
At the dispensaries that sell the pot and the affiliated clinic that sells the cards--there is no oversight what so ever. They sell. They are drug dealers. That is what they are to me.
I watched the presentations on CNN about medical marijuana, particularly gripping was the one about Charlotte, the baby who had seizures. It was compelling and growers in Colorado developed a special strain of marijuana without the high.
But my son wants the high. He loves the high. He seeks the high. His use is not for pain, but for escape. I feel for him, because he seeks escape into weed, and it is a time of peace when he is not depressed. But I cannot give up the hope for a life for him where he functions and deals with reality and learns ways where he himself can manage his symptoms and gain the self-regard that comes from meeting life consciously and on its own terms, not in a stupor.
I believe it is my responsibility as a parent, as long as I believe he has what it takes to function purposefully, to require this in my presence and in my home. To let this slide to me would be enabling. I would be letting him down. I would lose my own self-respect.
I do not lose sight that it is my son who is responsible for his life, not me. That is what I learned when I came here to this site. I believe it is one of the most important things I have learned in my life, let alone as a parent.
In sum, insisting my son not use when he is around us, has been a good thing. His work habits improve. He works harder and better. He is more compliant. He is invested in doing a good job.
We are still not sure (he wavers) whether or not he is leaving for the length of time he said. We will see what he decides. But I think he needs to know that there will be consequences from us. Not punishment, like for a child, but consequences in the sense of "effects." Like cause and effect. Because decisions do have consequences. It is part of real life. To let him believe otherwise would be wrong. The real world makes us pay. To act differently would be enabling by me--taking away the consequences--so as to spare him the learning.
M is the one who is very big on this. He says we should not influence him one way or another. That the only way we learn is through our errors and our successes.
THC can be stored in body fat. If that fat is burned later - even years later - the THC becomes activated in the system as a result. So, yes, it's possible for a past heavy user to be clean for a long period of time, and then due to fitness improvements or health issues that burn body fat... traces of the THC would show up again in drug tests.
Sister's Keeper
Active Member
I am soft on weed. Personally, I think it should be legalized, and I know a few successful professionals who are smokers.
However, I agree with Copa. I think that there are certain people who should not use ANY non prescribed psychoactive substances. People with addiction problems, or the propensity towards addiction, people with mood instability, and people with mental illness.
I think that we should treat weed like we treat alcohol. We all know that there are some people who just shouldn't drink. Whether they are addict/alcoholics, or when they drink their behavior is out of control or negatively affected.
You know that person who may not be an alcoholic, or have a mental health diagnosis, but every, single time they drink they get in a fight, or sleep with a random guy, or are so hungover they can't get to work in the morning.
I think Copa has probably done the dance with her son enough times over the years that she recognizes that weed, even if he is obtaining it legally, has negative affects on his mood or behavior.
However, I agree with Copa. I think that there are certain people who should not use ANY non prescribed psychoactive substances. People with addiction problems, or the propensity towards addiction, people with mood instability, and people with mental illness.
I think that we should treat weed like we treat alcohol. We all know that there are some people who just shouldn't drink. Whether they are addict/alcoholics, or when they drink their behavior is out of control or negatively affected.
You know that person who may not be an alcoholic, or have a mental health diagnosis, but every, single time they drink they get in a fight, or sleep with a random guy, or are so hungover they can't get to work in the morning.
I think Copa has probably done the dance with her son enough times over the years that she recognizes that weed, even if he is obtaining it legally, has negative affects on his mood or behavior.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Somehow, the edit I added did not work. I will summarize it because I think it is important.
Over the past couple of months my son has gained in accountability. Not just responsibility and cooperation.
He used to say, if we busted him about something: give me a consequence. Like he was a kid. I would despair, and say--you need to learn. To change. To tlisten to and think about the feedback to make different choices about your behavior.
I am not responsible to give you consequences. Life gives you consequences and as a human being you have the opportunity to learn.
He is 27 years old!!
He has not said that in two months, I would guess.
You see, I think the limit setting helps. The limit setting about marijuana. Because he will be found out. He knows this. And he will get the consequence. a consequence that he does not want. So, the lesson is sinking in. I am responsible for setting this limit in myself, or else I will suffer the consequence.Even though I can fool them once, it is me who is the fool.
I believe we are offering him the opportunity to chose between lifestyles and ways of being. I can lead a horse to water but I cannot make him drink.
I have told him: I am not a homeless shelter. If you are here with us, it is on the condition that you improve your life. That is my only condition. Why would I slack off on the marijuana? I am not encouraging dependency as far as I am aware. M and I are seeking to avail him of the opportunity for eventual self-sufficiency should he choose it. To my way of thinking that does not include a drug stupor.
But of course, he can choose that. But not in my house.
Over the past couple of months my son has gained in accountability. Not just responsibility and cooperation.
He used to say, if we busted him about something: give me a consequence. Like he was a kid. I would despair, and say--you need to learn. To change. To tlisten to and think about the feedback to make different choices about your behavior.
I am not responsible to give you consequences. Life gives you consequences and as a human being you have the opportunity to learn.
He is 27 years old!!
He has not said that in two months, I would guess.
You see, I think the limit setting helps. The limit setting about marijuana. Because he will be found out. He knows this. And he will get the consequence. a consequence that he does not want. So, the lesson is sinking in. I am responsible for setting this limit in myself, or else I will suffer the consequence.Even though I can fool them once, it is me who is the fool.
I believe we are offering him the opportunity to chose between lifestyles and ways of being. I can lead a horse to water but I cannot make him drink.
I have told him: I am not a homeless shelter. If you are here with us, it is on the condition that you improve your life. That is my only condition. Why would I slack off on the marijuana? I am not encouraging dependency as far as I am aware. M and I are seeking to avail him of the opportunity for eventual self-sufficiency should he choose it. To my way of thinking that does not include a drug stupor.
But of course, he can choose that. But not in my house.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Lil. Check this out:
American Board of Professional Neuropsychology.
This group should be able to provide names of people who are board certified. But my prefered method is below:
http://abn-board.com/find-a-doctor/
If I were looking for a neuropsychologist I would call your University Medical School for your state. Like here in CA it would be University of California, San Francisco or UCLA. Their Department of Psychiatry. And i would go from there. They for sure will have top notch people, who are probably faculty members. I would also call a Children's Hospital in a city by you and find the clinic where they do neuropsychiatric testing. Those people will be good. Ask them for referrals.
If you go these latter two routes, you will get people who are known and respected.
so ready to live
Well-Known Member
Hi all.
Copa-thank you for this as we are knee-deep in it. I have followed you and Lil and although my son is somewhat older, he has some similar characteristics. I so hope he learns from homelessness and it is not wasted pain for all of us.
This was /is true for us also but our son is more than borderline hostile. He has never seen it himself. The lack of ability to correlate the drugs with consequences always shocks me anew.
We all need to learn mechanisms for coping. Appropriate, healthy ones. Our son's self-esteem has always been higher when he had a job or purpose but he doesn't see it. He just doesn't. So, he is homeless. Once at alanon a woman asked me where does your son live? Is he in our town? I cry now to write this as I remember telling her "I don't know, homeless, maybe under a bridge?" It remains so hard to say or think about. Our boundaries are intact and that feels right but the profound sadness runs as an undercurrent and sneaks in at the most unusual times. I think often of you- Lil and Copa-so "in this" right now. May your sons "get it". Prayers.
Jabberwockey
Well-Known Member
We've put this on hold for the time being. It appears that he is leaning towards the apartment. Been talking to his old employer about getting his job back. Even has yet another friend talking about moving in. We still believe that this is a disaster in the making but its his choice. If he still shows interest in seeing a neuropsychologist after moving in to the apartment, we will work with him on it.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Copa dear sweet wonan, you know your son well. you are doing what you can live with. And you should. Thats what I meant. We must face ourselves in the mirror each day.
SistersKeeper, to me your post was one of the best on pot I have seen here. Perfect. YES, the fact is many highy educated, productuve professionals do smoke pot and function at a high level. This is my conflict. And my validation. Pot doesnt harm everyone.
Some people can not drink. Some can not use pot. Some can. We have to asess what WE can live with. To me, it's all about us, especially if our grown kids are over 22. The younger they are, the more we still may be able to influence their decisions. MAY.
After that they do what they want and we choose the response WE can live with. I dont think we should suffer over a really adult child.
As I've posted recently, my oldest is 38 and still wants a mommy. To the extent that I feel comfortable being one, I am. But I dont feel guilty making a man his age function without me too, if I've had enough. He wont change and is doing nothing to help himself. Every possible way for him to improve himself is met with 'but, I cant.'
We do what we can do and live with our bottpm line. These are personal decisions, none right or wrong in my opinion.
As for pot, I cant use it either.
Antidepressants help anxiety and dont put you in a fog (unless you get a bad reaction) Pot for anxiety in my opinion is about the high and blurring the edges of reality and that doesnt help anyone learn to cope. Plus,as many of us know, it does become addictive in certain people.
JMO
SistersKeeper, to me your post was one of the best on pot I have seen here. Perfect. YES, the fact is many highy educated, productuve professionals do smoke pot and function at a high level. This is my conflict. And my validation. Pot doesnt harm everyone.
Some people can not drink. Some can not use pot. Some can. We have to asess what WE can live with. To me, it's all about us, especially if our grown kids are over 22. The younger they are, the more we still may be able to influence their decisions. MAY.
After that they do what they want and we choose the response WE can live with. I dont think we should suffer over a really adult child.
As I've posted recently, my oldest is 38 and still wants a mommy. To the extent that I feel comfortable being one, I am. But I dont feel guilty making a man his age function without me too, if I've had enough. He wont change and is doing nothing to help himself. Every possible way for him to improve himself is met with 'but, I cant.'
We do what we can do and live with our bottpm line. These are personal decisions, none right or wrong in my opinion.
As for pot, I cant use it either.
Antidepressants help anxiety and dont put you in a fog (unless you get a bad reaction) Pot for anxiety in my opinion is about the high and blurring the edges of reality and that doesnt help anyone learn to cope. Plus,as many of us know, it does become addictive in certain people.
JMO
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Jabber, I love how you and Lil gave your son choices. Love it.
Lil
Well-Known Member
Well, we were as blunt as we could be about the consequences of getting evicted...He'd have another blotch on his credit and have a monster of a time getting another apartment. Not to mention, he's not coming back here! So...here's hoping that doesn't happen. 
I hope he does what it takes, but I'm really worried about his friends mooching and not paying, running up the electric and not paying, etc. That's what will ruin him.
But if he stays, well, maybe we can get him some help and a place when he's stable. It's the best choice.
He's not known for making the best choices.
I hope he does what it takes, but I'm really worried about his friends mooching and not paying, running up the electric and not paying, etc. That's what will ruin him.But if he stays, well, maybe we can get him some help and a place when he's stable. It's the best choice.
He's not known for making the best choices.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Lil you have gone over and beyond.
Hmmm...do any of them make good choices?
in our case,my son has a one way ticket to the "I can't" Express. He's like The Little Engine Who Couldn't.
Hmmm...do any of them make good choices?
in our case,my son has a one way ticket to the "I can't" Express. He's like The Little Engine Who Couldn't.
