BusynMember
Well-Known Member
But, GN, you didn't have a child!
GN lol your DNA is worse than mine
Lil you have my prayers
GN lol your DNA is worse than mine
Lil you have my prayers
I can't do this....
- Thread starter Lil
- Start date
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I have no relatives that I know of who committed suicide, but I have thought seriously about it and never assume it can't happen. I take it VERY seriously. Yes, it can be a manipulation ... until it isn't.
GoingNorth
Crazy Cat Lady
No. I didn't. I had two laparascopic surgeries in Germany with the intent of cleaning up the mess stage IV endometreosis had made of my insides, but they weren't successful.
By the time we got back stateside, knowing that both surgery and in vitro would be required, as well as the testing each blastocyst to make sure it was healthy, we just decided that after 11 years married and childless, we'd be best off staying that way.
Plus, not only did husband and i both carry a lethal recessive, we also found out, what would have been too late, that there's an hereditary tendency toward the disease that killed him as well. The other soldiers exposed got a rare form of leukemia instead.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
GN, good decision. Kudos.
Lil
Well-Known Member
Well, maybe someone up above was listening.
It went better than ever expected. So well that Jabber and I are a little antsy about it, in fact.
We explained a bit about why we aren't willing to spend the $400 on the rent unless he has a job. That said, we explained the option of staying here and the conditions.
He was very agreeable.
We led with him calling me and upsetting me at work. We then talked about his deadline for finding work, and discussed maybe finding a job coach or something to help him. We went over the pot and how it's holding him back from finding a job...he knows this...we did not, at this time, make drug testing a requirement. We talked about him giving us his money to hold, he said he'd be happy with $100 every two weeks as his money to blow. Depending on what he receives, that's reasonable IF he is earning enough.
Then we got into counseling. He was okay with it, but said the counselor didn't understand why he needed it...he seemed fine to her. Uh huh. So then I talked about how some people need help because they are differently wired and that maybe he should consider an evaluation to see if he has some disorder that affects his way of thinking. That we see a progression of A, B, and then C, but maybe he doesn't think that way and he needs to find a different way to get to C from A without going thru B.
He agreed. He said he'd go if we made an appointment for the evaluation. He's not sure that it will help him...he made some remark about everyone else needing to understand HIM, not him needing to understand himself...but I pointed out that if he understood how his wiring is different than other peoples, then he could explain it if necessary.
So there were a few other things discussed of course and he still has the option of the apartment if he gets a job by Monday...but I hope he doesn't take it for all the reasons we told him. I think that apartment would be setting himself up for failure, especially since J would promptly move in.
In the end, we ate pizza, I took him to K's house (yeah, J is there...I'm starting to hate him) and he may or may not need a ride back. I think until Monday the 4th, when we know what option he has chosen, we'll just do things as we have been.
And as always, we'll see.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Glad it went easier than you anticipated. That is a big step that he is seems receptive. At least he knows the terms, now. That you have conditions and what they are. He cannot back away from that now. He can change his mind, but he knows and he agreed.
Things have changed here.
My son let it be known that he will be leaving us at the end of the week to go back to the big metropolitan area near us. He wants to spend the week before his psychiatrist appointment in about 10 days, working for his friend and earning some money which will necessitate his sleeping outside in a wooded area. I expect he looks forward to pot, too.
OK. But know this. We will request a clean drug test to come back.
I feel sad.
Things have changed here.
My son let it be known that he will be leaving us at the end of the week to go back to the big metropolitan area near us. He wants to spend the week before his psychiatrist appointment in about 10 days, working for his friend and earning some money which will necessitate his sleeping outside in a wooded area. I expect he looks forward to pot, too.
OK. But know this. We will request a clean drug test to come back.
I feel sad.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
im sorry too, but not that surprised. At his age its hard to live with a parent. It is not like he's leaving forever.
Im not so sure I'd require a pot test for a kid his age who at least isnt smoking it in your house. Its legal there and he's not going to quit...just sets him up for being homeless again.
Pot in my opinion is not a great thing...I dislike it...but it will probably be legal soon all over and unless my kid were smoking it in my house (I loathe the smell and the smoke) I would think twice before making my kid homeless if pot were the only drug going on. I am softening on my stance here. It s okay to change our minds. If my kid wasnt disrespectful or breaking the law and was willing to work, I would leave the pot out of it.
I really hopes it all works out.
Im not so sure I'd require a pot test for a kid his age who at least isnt smoking it in your house. Its legal there and he's not going to quit...just sets him up for being homeless again.
Pot in my opinion is not a great thing...I dislike it...but it will probably be legal soon all over and unless my kid were smoking it in my house (I loathe the smell and the smoke) I would think twice before making my kid homeless if pot were the only drug going on. I am softening on my stance here. It s okay to change our minds. If my kid wasnt disrespectful or breaking the law and was willing to work, I would leave the pot out of it.
I really hopes it all works out.
Last edited:
Childofmine
one day at a time
Please permit me just a little soapbox rant. I know pot is increasingly becoming legal and there are medicinal uses for it. I get that. I also despair of it because of all I have experienced and continue to experience with friends watching their kids focus on mind-altering substances to the exclusion of the productivity and happiness of their own lives.
There are people who cannot and should not use mind-altering substances because it renders them low-function/low-motivation/law-breaking etc. My son is one of those.
His two gateway drugs were alcohol and pot. He has a genetic makeup that is riddled with addiction on both sides of the family.
So, for me, if my son uses, that is not a good thing for him. It could lead to more addictive behavior.
I also know I can't control what he does. He is an adult. If he chooses to drink and smoke pot (and I know he says he drinks some), I can't stop it. But I don't have to like it or agree with it or condone it.
Having said all of that, if he were to want to come to stay at my house for any reason, one of the rules would be no substance use while here.
What he does when he leaves, again, is up to him. This is about me. I'm not going to watch it or allow it or in any way have him think for a minute that I in any way condone use for him. In fact, it would give me a chance to state my case against it for him all over again---something I don't do because I am working on that boundary.
If he goes in for surgery again, I will make sure the doctors know his history, and then I will leave it to them and him. I already told him that. I'm not going to be quiet about this, when it comes to him, but I'm going to maintain boundaries and realize I can't control it.
That's me and that's my boundary about that. I realize many people don't agree, and that's okay too.
There are people who cannot and should not use mind-altering substances because it renders them low-function/low-motivation/law-breaking etc. My son is one of those.
His two gateway drugs were alcohol and pot. He has a genetic makeup that is riddled with addiction on both sides of the family.
So, for me, if my son uses, that is not a good thing for him. It could lead to more addictive behavior.
I also know I can't control what he does. He is an adult. If he chooses to drink and smoke pot (and I know he says he drinks some), I can't stop it. But I don't have to like it or agree with it or condone it.
Having said all of that, if he were to want to come to stay at my house for any reason, one of the rules would be no substance use while here.
What he does when he leaves, again, is up to him. This is about me. I'm not going to watch it or allow it or in any way have him think for a minute that I in any way condone use for him. In fact, it would give me a chance to state my case against it for him all over again---something I don't do because I am working on that boundary.
If he goes in for surgery again, I will make sure the doctors know his history, and then I will leave it to them and him. I already told him that. I'm not going to be quiet about this, when it comes to him, but I'm going to maintain boundaries and realize I can't control it.
That's me and that's my boundary about that. I realize many people don't agree, and that's okay too.
pasajes4
Well-Known Member
I have k own people who have used weed for thr better part of 4 decades and can function. That is about all they do. They are flat and move thtough life at a snails pace. There is little motivation or excitement for life.
Each to their own, but the youngrr they start the more the brsin is impacted in negative and permanent ways.
Each to their own, but the youngrr they start the more the brsin is impacted in negative and permanent ways.
Lil
Well-Known Member
I agree with you 100%. Now, I'm not saying if it were legal here I might not give it a try...but as a general rule, I think it's terrible in the wrong hands. Like alcohol, some people can drink every day and be fine and some become alcoholics, I think that there are those who smoke recreationally and those who become dependent.
I'm only saying that I'm not sure I'd make a clean test a prerequisite to coming home in Copa's case. Maybe clean in a couple weeks after he's been there so you know it isn't ongoing. Just my opinion.
As for my own son...I'm still holding out hope he'll realize that finding a job and using pot are not compatible. It may be he won't but at this point, I'm just happy he's willing to try the psychiatric evaluation.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I hate pot. I dont like alcohol either. I know people who died due to alcohol. I believe daily pot use kills motivation and brain cells. And I don't allow smoking of anything in my house. Incldes cigarettes, which kill more than both and second hand smoke affects even non smokers.
But if I had a kid who couldnt make it on the streets and was mentally ill, I dont know that I could make him leave for having used pot, as long as I dont smell it at my house...or find it. At one time I would have said out. I dont know that I'd even want to know what my grown kid legally did while not at my house anymore. I would have to ask myself questions.
Will homelessness help him and can I live with him being homeless?
Can I handle his continuing to get high while I give shelter? I matter too!
Is he messing uo in other ways? Hard to live with? Taking steps to help himself so he can leave with or without supports one day?
It gets muddled too in my opinion when a doctor gives a prescription for pot, which I think should not be used for mental illness. There are better medications that dont make one high but still help symptoms of depression and anxiety. But they WANT that high and it will hold them back. So can I deal with that or am I going to not allow them here at all because nobody is high on pot in my house, no matter where they smoked it.
Nothing in my opinion is right or wrong. I'm starting to believe that WE matter so much that it us what WE can live with that matters first. We can't change them, but we can deal with them in a way that makes us comfortable. And in my opinion nobody should judge us for doing what helps us feel good when we look in the mirror.
Pot is not benign. And many people who take it are worse on it. I tried it and it made me spaced to the nines and paranoid. Oh, and the munchies. I ate five hot dogs. Ick. At least they were the good Chicago style ones. Seriously, many of our pot loving kids refuse other forms of medication for mental illness becsuse "pot is natural." Um, what they really mean is I like not feeling anything on pot. Trust me, I dont feel it is a good thing and the worst side effects won't come out until it has been legal for a while. Like with cigarettes. Nobody realized how they can hurt us when they first became legal.
In the end, all of us do what we feel us best for our situation. I dont like legal pot. But its heading that way.
But if I had a kid who couldnt make it on the streets and was mentally ill, I dont know that I could make him leave for having used pot, as long as I dont smell it at my house...or find it. At one time I would have said out. I dont know that I'd even want to know what my grown kid legally did while not at my house anymore. I would have to ask myself questions.
Will homelessness help him and can I live with him being homeless?
Can I handle his continuing to get high while I give shelter? I matter too!
Is he messing uo in other ways? Hard to live with? Taking steps to help himself so he can leave with or without supports one day?
It gets muddled too in my opinion when a doctor gives a prescription for pot, which I think should not be used for mental illness. There are better medications that dont make one high but still help symptoms of depression and anxiety. But they WANT that high and it will hold them back. So can I deal with that or am I going to not allow them here at all because nobody is high on pot in my house, no matter where they smoked it.
Nothing in my opinion is right or wrong. I'm starting to believe that WE matter so much that it us what WE can live with that matters first. We can't change them, but we can deal with them in a way that makes us comfortable. And in my opinion nobody should judge us for doing what helps us feel good when we look in the mirror.
Pot is not benign. And many people who take it are worse on it. I tried it and it made me spaced to the nines and paranoid. Oh, and the munchies. I ate five hot dogs. Ick. At least they were the good Chicago style ones. Seriously, many of our pot loving kids refuse other forms of medication for mental illness becsuse "pot is natural." Um, what they really mean is I like not feeling anything on pot. Trust me, I dont feel it is a good thing and the worst side effects won't come out until it has been legal for a while. Like with cigarettes. Nobody realized how they can hurt us when they first became legal.
In the end, all of us do what we feel us best for our situation. I dont like legal pot. But its heading that way.
Last edited:
Its actually a good thing that he took that decision not the pot thing but the working for some money. For the pot let me ask you something what are the chances for him the be clean of pot from his system in 10 days?
Jabberwockey
Well-Known Member
Honestly??? Your guess is as good as mine.
Jabberwockey
Well-Known Member
Marijuana is marijuana. The big difference is that to certain medical patients, smoking or ingesting can help relieve certain symptoms. Not sure of the details but in some cases it can actually help with the disease or condition itself as well.
I think the difference you're thinking of is in the potency. A lot of the time, medicinal marijuana doesn't have to be taken in strengths high enough to cause a high to be beneficial.
